Why We Need to Stop Calling for Anna Duggar to Walk Away

By: Crissie Kirby

By now there’s no point in recounting all the Duggar family has been faced with over the last few months; I have my own personal feelings and opinions about Josh Duggar and the situation, but, honestly, they have no bearing on what I feel led to say to in this post.

I cannot truly comment on the Duggar molestation scandal, other than to say that, apparently, and regardless of the public’s feelings and opinions on the matter, Anna Duggar knew about that matter before she and Josh ever married. She was not, if I understand correctly, blindsided with the information as the general population was. The more recent scandal, though, involving some type of unfaithfulness on Josh’s part is what has me heartbroken for Anna and her children.

When the whole Ashley Madison / Duggar connection came out, all I could think about was Anna and her children. Then the comments and articles came, as I knew they would, calling for her to leave Josh. Rumor has it that this has even been publicly stated by some of Anna’s own family members. Regardless of who says it, the comments that Anna should leave Josh need to stop; as a whole, our society needs to not call for Anna Duggar to walk away from her marriage. “But Crissie, you’ve walked that walk . . . why shouldn’t she leave Josh? After all that he has done . . .” Because, folks, it’s just not that easy.

Walking away from a marriage is never as simple and easy as it seems. The words roll out of our brains and out of our mouths and it seems like it’s an easy fix to a big problem. But, it’s not. No, I don’t know Anna personally and probably never will, but I know that the last thing she needs to hear is that she needs to leave her marriage. Our society has come to accept divorce as a commonplace occurrence, not much different than buying a new car or a new house. “This one just doesn’t suit me anymore, so let’s get a new one” appears to be the mentality that many have. But we need to stop encouraging that manner of thinking.

First, Anna is probably still in shock over learning about this indiscretion; she hasn’t had time to process the information. When I first learned that news in my own marriage, it took me weeks to process it and years, yes YEARS, to get over what I had been through enough to even desire leaving my marriage. Stop telling her to walk away when she probably still feels like she is in the worst dream she has ever had and cannot seem to wake up enough to fully function.

Secondly, we need to stop telling her to, essentially, cut off part of her body. When you are married and you truly take the words from your wedding to heart; you accept that “two have become one.” Her marriage to Josh is part of both her public and private identity. Imagine being in an accident, losing a limb, and then waking up to realize it’s gone. Pretty traumatic, right? I tend to think so. Stop telling her to cut off her arm.

Third, think about their children. I don’t advocate staying in a marriage just for your children; however, you have to take them into consideration before making any major life changes. How are they going to be affected mentally, emotionally, physically, and even spiritually? Stop telling her to walk away before she has been able to give each of these facets the level of thought and consideration they truly deserve; this goes for her own personal well-being as well.

Fourth, remember that the Duggars are people of great faith and in those tenets we know that God does not advocate divorce. As a fellow Christian, I believe that even though God allows divorce on the grounds of adultery, He never says that one must divorce if that happens. Yes, adultery is a sin. There’s no getting around it. But do we always need to totally give up on sinful people?

Staying in a marriage where someone has been unfaithful is hard. Infidelity does great mental and emotional damage to the spouse who was cheated on. They are already reeling from learning that, in some sense, they have been replaced in the heart and mind of their beloved; the last thing that he or she needs to hear is that they need to immediately and completely cut their losses and move on. It was comforting to me to read this morning that Anna is seeking her own form of counsel while Josh enters some type of rehabilitation facility. She needs impartiality and comfort and guidance on what might be the best avenue for her and her children. It’s hard to hear from family and friends (who you know love and care for you deeply in truth) that you need to just walk away from a marriage that maybe you just aren’t ready to give up on yet. I know. I heard it from family and friends. It left me feeling isolated and like every decision I was making was being scrutinized by those who obviously knew better what my children and I needed. In the end, yes, I wound up divorced. However, I can confidently say that divorce was not my first option; it was the final option. For me, I needed it to be that way. I needed to know that I had done everything I could do to prevent a divorce. Four years later, I can still hold my head high and know that I made the right decision for me and my boys. Not everyone supported the decision I made to stay for 2 years; most people didn’t understand why I stayed; some probably still think I was crazy. I survived without hearing a lot of positive reinforcement for my decision, but it doesn’t have to, and shouldn’t, be that way for spouses dealing with the knowledge that they have been cheated upon. Encouragement and support are what Anna Duggar needs now; don’t call for her to walk away from her marriage. Call for her to be lifted up mentally, physically, spiritually, and emotionally in such a way that she can make the best decisions, going forward, for both herself and her children.

Cloth Diapers

It is Sunday again so that means that it is laundry day. Doing laundry on the weekends is not novel to most families. It is a time for many mothers to catch up and do load after load after load in between the other tasks of grocery shopping, cleaning, and spending time together as a family. In between my loads of work clothes, toddler clothes, and casual clothes, though, I have another type of laundry going on.

Diaper laundry. A lot of people are surprised when they find out I cloth diaper. Some older people, somewhat familiar with the idea from generations past, ask if I have a diaper service. Hm. We can hardly get delivery pizza out in Gilbert, SC let alone diaper pick up and drop off.

I decided to cloth diaper my son when I was pregnant. It took a lot of convincing on the part of my husband to get him on board. Why would we do something so gross when disposable diapers are readily available? How could we dare wash bodily fluids in the same washing machine as our clothes? Are we really going to invest $300 in a stash of cloth diapers when we could just put some diapers on our registry and go from there?

So why was I so insistent on cloth diapering? First – it isn’t that crazy of a thing. Many of our parents and certainly our grandparents did it. Second – cloth diapers have come a long way. They aren’t the “plastic pants” of generations past.

Over the span of 2.5 years of diapering, these diapers are estimated to save us $1800-$2200 with an initial investment of only a few hundred dollars. They can be reused for subsequent children as well.

They are better for the environment. It has been estimated that it takes 250 years for a disposable diaper to decompose!

They are adorable.

Some people try to mention that I’m wasting water by rinsing and then washing the diapers. All they have to do is look into how much water is used in the making of disposables.

About washing them in my washing machine – if any parent thinks they’ll never be washing vomit or poop clothes in their washing machine at home they are sadly mistaken! And while we’re talking about poop clothes – in 16 months all of our “blow out” diapers have been disposable we’ve been using while traveling. We love how dependable our cloth diapers are.

Having this cloth diaper chore probably adds 45 minutes to my week of “stuff to do.” The rewards are worth it, though. I feel good about doing another thing to help the environment, I’m never rushing to the store because we’re out of diapers, I’m not spending any money on diapers, and I can do less laundry on days where we let the diaper be our “pants” because they are so cute!

If you are interested in cloth diapers, don’t be intimidated. They are easier than one would think! Here are some resources:

http://theartofsimple.net/cloth-diapering/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=64os5I4_Z9Q

Pantene Beautiful Lengths

By: Leah Prescott

Even though I have always liked my hair long, sometimes it’s just time for a change. There’s nothing like a nice short cut when late summer days are still hot and humid! Sometimes I am nervous about a change like this, but donating the length of my hair always motivates me to try a new style. This was my third time donating hair to Pantene Beautiful Lengths, and I always feel great about the experience so I wanted to share it here.

Pantene Beautiful Lengths uses donations to create wigs for cancer patients. Cancer takes so much from its victims, and I just love knowing my hair will help someone going through a difficult time! Beautiful Lengths requirements are simple: Hair must be a minimum of eight inches in length, have no dyes or chemical treatments and contain less than 5% grey. Check out the details here: http://pantene.com/en-us/experience-main-section2/beautiful-lengths

It takes eight to fifteen donations to make just one wig, so donating hair is very important! Why not consider donating your next chop to a great cause? If you aren’t able to donate hair, Pantene also accepts monetary contributions to finance their cause.

What do you think of my new cut? I’m working up the nerve to go even shorter next time!

Your Calling Doesn’t Have to be Grand (WHEW!)

By: Mary Pat Baldauf

If I’ve heard it once since recovering from my brain aneurysm, I’ve heard it 100 times and 100 different ways: “God isn’t done with you yet.” No one meant any harm, but it really put the pressure on me.

During rehab, someone innocently said, “You need to find out what God’s purpose is for you and work on fulfilling it.”

 

My reply? “Yep, you’re right. But right now I’m focusing on leaning how to walk again.”

As I continue to ponder my purpose, I was touched by Dr. Lissa Rankin‘s article recently featured by Positively Positive, which asserts the following:

1. Every revolutionary act of love, even the smallest, most private action, raises the vibration of the planet and changes the world.
2. Every time you let love lead, you are smack dab in the center of your purpose. It can be that simple.
3. Sometimes one hug is all it takes to make a real difference.
4. Anyone can find and fulfill his or her calling simply by doing whatever it is that you do with great love, from the heart, infused with meaning and kindness.
5. It’s okay to let go of the “not enough” thoughts or the pressure to be grand.

I love that Rankin ended the article by encouraging us to use the Prayer of St Francis as we seek to be vessels of love in our own unique ways. I have since printed it out and used it as a morning prayer.

Stepping Things Up

By: Chaunte McClure

I’m on the up side of my on-again, off-again relationship with being active. Why is it so difficult to create a good habit? I want to work out. I want to be physically fit. I want a flat stomach, toned arms and thighs and a healthy heart, but why, oh why, do I not want a beautiful physique enough to work for it? There is room for improvement and it won’t happen unless I do something about it.

I started a workout routine last week and I feel pretty good about it. I’m one week into it and hopefully this time there’s no turning back. If for some reason I fail at staying committed, I did get a good sermon illustration out of my efforts. Thanks, God.

The on-again relationship started two Sundays ago when my husband and I hit the trail at Riverfront Park. I’m not sure how many miles we walked, but by Tuesday I could feel the wrath of that walk in the park. My muscles were sore! Instead of letting the soreness in my legs subside, I decided to keep working those babies. About an hour before dark, I made my way to the Statehouse to step things up a bit. I did laps around the iconic structure and jogged up and down the Statehouse steps twice. Twice? Yes, twice. I know you’re probably thinking, that’s nothing. Well, let me remind you that there are 52 steps that lead up to the door of our capitol building. At least I think it’s 52. Seems like each time I counted during my Saturday visit, I came up with a different number while making my way up or down. I guess that’s what happens when you’re tired – you can’t even think straight. And when you’re out of shape, 10 steps will have you panting.

I do feel better about myself after my moderate work outs, but is that enough to make me stop flirting with exercise and finally commit to it? It seems like there’s always something that hinders me from maintaining a routine and excuses are high on the list. Let me see how many excuses I can come up with.

1. I don’t have time.
2. I have too much homework to do.
3. It’s too hot outside.
4. By the time I get home from work, I’m too tired.
5. I’m not a morning person, so I can’t work out before going to the office.
6. I have too much going on right now. (However, in my last blog I told you I learned to just say no.)
7. And any other excuse I can come up with on given day.

I need you to cheer me on and be my accountability partners. Do you have a routine that works? How do you stay committed to being physically fit? I’d love to hear from you. In the meantime, I have a work out to complete. I’ll be back here at the end of August.

Did You Know…

By: Katie Austin

How many of you have a smart phone? How confident are you that the information on your phone is secure from spying eyes?

How many of you are aware of the new USA Freedom Act? Did you know that it impacts how the government collects cell phone data?

Knowledge is power. I will share with you what I have learned and what you can do to protect the data on your cell phone.

Out with the old (USA Patriot Act), in with the new (USA Freedom Act).

Here’s a YouTube video that explains the Patriot Act and the newly created Freedom Act with a little bit of humor.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B7V392FqqPE

The USA Patriot Act was signed into law just six weeks after the 9/11 attacks.  Congress quickly and almost unanimously approved the Patriot Act with the goal of protecting American lives, with a priority of security over privacy.  As summarized by  Caitlin Pierce, the Patriot Act “significantly expanded the government’s surveillance reach, broadening its authority to collect personal records, tap phones, monitor internet activity, and spy on religious and political organizations, often without any evidence of wrongdoing.”  The USA Freedom Act was enacted into law on June 2, 2015 with the intent to place restrictions and oversight on the National Security Agency’s (NSA) surveillance powers.

So how does this change impact the government’s ability to collect cell phone data?

After a six-month transition period, the USA Freedom Act will shift the burden of keeping phone records to the phone companies.  The NSA will be required to get permission from the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Court to get targeted information from a phone company storing the records.  The phone metadata is what will be retrieved and contains basic phone number information, not the content of the calls or names of callers.

What can we do to protect our information?

Cell phones these days are mini-computers that are used to send email, browse the internet and just about everything a desktop computer can do.  With everything at our finger tips and readily available, we need to take measures to ensure our phone is secure and the information stored on it is protected.

Here are a few steps I found that you can take to make it harder to get your personal information while you Candy Crush:

1.     Put your phone into airplane mode while playing games.  Most games don’t need the Internet connection to run, but their ad networks do.

2.     Don’t post on social media accounts while connected to cellular data networks.  Wait until you’re connected to your secure, password-protected home or workplace Wi-Fi network.  Better yet, wait until you get to your desktop computer or laptop.

3.     Turn off Wi-Fi, GPS and geolocation on your phone.  These can be used quickly to pinpoint your location.  Don’t use them until you absolutely need them.  You may have to go into each application’s settings to turn off geolocation so start with those that are capable of taking photos.

4.     Install an application called AppNotifier.  It will email you when an application is downloaded and installed on your computer.  Your best defense is being aware of what is on your phone. I love this app as I know when something is installed or updated on my phone!

Find out more by visiting the FCC Smartphone Checker at the link below.  There you will learn smartphone-specific ways to protect your phone.

https://www.fcc.gov/smartphone-security

We all have a choice.  I choose privacy over convenience.  It’s our information and we should be able to choose when and how to share it.

How Making a Bed Changed My Summer

By: Leah Prescott 

Do you make your bed every day? It’s a habit I never really picked up. It just never seemed important to me. Anyway, I would always pull the covers down again, so what was the point? In my quest for household peace and simplicity, I have added some new habits to my daily routine, and making my bed is one of them. I have been surprised by the results.

It takes only about a minute to make the bed, but it can change your mindset and set the tone for your day. I have realized that making my bed becomes the signal to me that rest is over and work has begun. It’s nice to walk through the bedroom and have it finished. It’s nice to have a smooth surface to lay a basket of laundry on. It’s nice that if we have to call a plumber or HVAC technician at the last minute, I won’t have to be embarrassed by the state of my bedroom (not that that has ever happened to me….) It’s nice to see the pattern of the bedspread I chose with care, rather than have it kicked and twisted at the foot of the bed or find my beagle trying to nuzzle her way under the covers. She does that every chance she gets.

As I add habits of household harmony, I’m finding it creates a snowball effect. When I leave a room, I’m naturally looking around for an item or two to return to its place as I go. When the closet is neat, hanging up a jacket isn’t difficult. If my bed is made, I am less likely to fling my purse on it or pile it with books. When I am able to enjoy the cleanliness daily, I am motivated to keep it up. Here are a few more simple habits that are working for me this summer:

Leaving the house neat. This has been a bit of a battle but I knew the time to start was over the summertime when our schedule is relaxed. It does take me quite a bit of effort and the kids have to be involved in this. But walking into a neat house on return is totally worth it. If we walk into a neat space, it’s so much easier to deal with the chaos of a barking dog, groceries to put away, hungry kids, and approaching naptime.

Dishwashing on a schedule. This is a tip I got years ago and it has worked great for me. Every evening after dinner, I start the dishwasher without fail. If it isn’t quite full, I seek out items to fill it (a great excuse to clean out the fridge, collect water bottles from the car, or run the bath toys through the dishwasher). Every morning, I unload the dishwasher while I am waiting for my coffee. This makes it easy to load throughout the day and the kids can put their plates directly in after meal time. Simple, but it really helps me keep up with the dishes.

Make clean-up a no-brainer. I have realized I have to eliminate any excuses to clean, no matter how weak they may be. This means having cleaning products easy to access wherever they are needed: in the kitchen and under each bathroom sink. I thought since my house was tiny, I could keep all the products in one place, but having them at arm’s reach makes a difference. I’ve also discovered a new product I really love: Windex Touch Up. You just dab a rag on the top and it dispenses a bit of cleaner right where you need it. This is great for quickly wiping down the counters and mirrors in between deep cleanings.

Multi-tasking. When waiting in the car, I pick up clutter. While my son is bathing, I clean the bathroom. While making meal plans and grocery lists, I take an extra moment to quickly wipe down the fridge. While chatting on the phone, I start a load of laundry. I know that many of you will think these are obvious, or maybe you do them by second nature. For me, these have to be very deliberately added to my lifestyle since order doesn’t really come naturally to me.

Create spots of beauty. I read this on a blog somewhere and it really resonated with me. In the chaos of parenting, my home “décor” (if you can even call it that) has not really changed. While we don’t have the time or resources to do some of the major projects on my wish list, these quick face-lifts are totally doable. The idea is to focus on a clutter-magnet area and give it a mini makeover. An example is my bedside table. Hanging a homemade wreath, cleaning out the drawer, and finding the perfect basket has motivated me to keep it neat. Buying new velvet hangers and organizing my closet by color has made it so much prettier and I have easily kept it neat. Sometimes the little things can make a big difference.

These habits have made my summer far more productive and have given me a sense of accomplishment. Progress is progress, after all! Have you found any easy ways of improving your productivity? I would love to hear about them!

Make a Note to Yourself

By: Shannon Elizabeth Boatwright

“Note to self:

None of us are getting out of here alive, so please stop treating yourself like an after thought. Eat the delicious food. Walk in the sunshine. Jump in the ocean. Say the truth that you’re carrying in your heart like a hidden treasure. Be silly. Be kind. Be weird. There’s no time for anything else.”

I came across this fabulous “Note to self” on Facebook. I seem to come across inspiring, mind blowing quotes sometimes on a daily basis and have a collection of them as screenshots on my phone. A lot of them I share; some of them I keep for myself.

This one above is one I definitely shared. It’s actually one I’d like to add to and enhance with more positive notes about being your self and living for yourself. Along with walking in the sunshine and jumping in the ocean, I would add to dance, sing and be joyful and full of thanks every moment you can. I could seriously base an entire inspirational speech on this simple note to self!

The harsh truth is there – indeed, none of us are getting out of here alive and when you really stop to think about it, there is NO time for anything else, accept to live our lives to the fullest. And in order to do that, we absolutely must stop thinking of ourselves as an after thought. You know we’re all guilty of it to varying degrees. It’s our harsh reality in this day and age. In today’s society it’s a constant battle of ‘keeping up with the Jones’, working to live, yet forgetting to truly LIVE. We spend a majority of our time working to pay the bills, not spending quality time with our families and friends, not spending time on ourselves, but working to survive in this world and keep our heads above water.

It’s sad to think we have to be reminded to actually live our lives instead of just survive them. But we all get wrapped up and overwhelmed with our To-Do Lists and the requirements of making it in this world. Like I’ve heard mentioned before, I don’t know of anyone on their death bed that said, “Gosh, I wish I had worked more and spent less time having fun.” So, let’s all write a note to ourselves! Make it real, make it personal and tell yourself to live it up, make the most of this short life we’ve been granted to live. Don’t just simply survive, actually live your precious life! Make a list of all the things, activities, people and places that make you happy and go live it! Make it happen!

Oh, I can dish out this positive, inspirational stuff left and right, but YES I need these daily, priceless reminders to actually act on it! Easier said than done, they say. So maybe if we keep up these reminders and notes to self, we can actually engage in making our lives truly meaningful and full of happiness!

There’s no time like right now to create great things in your life. So go write that note to yourself! Read it, Believe it, Live it!

Slowly, But Surely, Returning to Normal

By: Mary Pat Baldauf 

Four and a half months after having a brain aneurysm rupture, things are slowly but surely returning to normal.

• This week, I go back to work. Slowly, four hours a day, three days a week for two weeks, and increasing two hours every two weeks. I’ll be full-time in mid-September.
• I returned to the beach this week. It was just a quick overnight trip, but it refreshed my soul. I was worried the heat and walking would be difficult for me, but I did fine.
• My hair is growing back out. In March, I’d finally grown out my Pixie cut. But during my recovery, I went short again; it was easier to take care of. It’s finally grown back over my ears.
• Moving home. I’ve been staying at my mother’s house until I got my “out of the hospital and rehab legs.” I’m moving back in slowly, organizing my bedroom as I go. (I have lived in four places in the last four months, and stuff is everywhere!)
• I’m cooking – at my house since I know my kitchen best. And I haven’t yet returned to cooking all day Sunday for the week ahead, but I’m not far from it.
• After three months of not driving, I’m driving without restrictions. I’ve become a better driver, having gone through training during rehab and also doing rehab with victims of some pretty bad accidents.
• My voice is still soft and a little raspy from the vocal fold surgery, but I’m seeing a speech therapist twice a week and doing exercises at home. No one besides me seems to be missing my loud voice. (Imagine that!)
• I’m back at the gym. Right now, I’m working with a nutritionist to re-adjust my eating from hospital food and Atlanta hot spots. I’m also working with a trainer two days a week to build my strength and work on my balance, and I’m doing cardio three days a week on the SCIFit, a piece of equipment I used during rehab.

Hopefully, by my next blog post, I’ll have even more to report. If some things I worked on at outpatient rehab, such as time management and minimizing distractions, stick, I’d say I’ll be a better person post-aneurysm than I was before. Time will tell.

Just Say No

By: Chaunte McLure 

When I was in elementary and maybe middle school, “just say no” was a popular phrase that stemmed from an anti-drug marketing campaign headed by the late Nancy Reagan.

Just Say No clubs across the world were born out of it resulting in a one-third decrease in cocaine use by high school seniors, according to reaganfoundation.org.

Thirty years or so later, I find myself wanting to reinstate “Just Say No” as an anti-busy campaign. I need to be a part of this Just Say No Club and you should probably join, too.

Do you find yourself always trying to be so kind to others that you find it difficult to say no to their requests? Do you hate to pass up a great opportunity knowing you don’t have time to dedicate to it because of other commitments? Do you feel like you have to say yes when someone who’s a part of an organization you’re in asks you to do yet another task? Do you think you must accept an invitation just because someone was thoughtful enough to invite you?

If you answered yes to any of the above questions, please join me in the Just Say No Club. Membership is free and the only obligation is to say no, without guilt, when someone asks you to do something that you clearly don’t have time to do.

Be prepared because folks will try to make you feel guilty if you turn down their request. They’ll make you feel like you’re not dedicated and they might even stop talking to you for a while. That’s okay!

I’d rather someone be mad at me than for me to experience anxiety and stress because I’ve taken on too many things to do and have neglected what should have been my priority. Your health, well-being and priorities come first. Remember that. I have to be reminded, too. As a matter of fact, this blog serves as my reminder. I’ve decided to stop trying to do everything and be everywhere for everybody.

So, will you join the club?