Adoption Can Be Funny

By: Jordan Tate

We all know that adoption is a joyous occasion, and also a heavy one with many challenges. It’s a true rollercoaster with peaks and valleys and slow turns and fast hills, but I think we can all agree that, for the most part, Hollywood has shaped many an opinion about adoption for those who don’t have a real connection to it. And it can be stinking funny. So today I thought I’d invite you over to have a silly little chat about some funny things we’ve experienced in the world of adoption in hopes that you’ll laugh a little. If nothing else, you’ll quickly learn what not to say to your friends who have adopted or will adopt in the future.

That said, I’m curious, how many of these have happened to you?

We get asked frequently if we’re going to tell Shepherd he’s adopted. You guys…we get asked frequently. To be fair, it always seems to come out rapidly and clumsily and without much forethought, which is very good news. Usually I’m like, “No, we planned on turning his life into an actual Lifetime movie where the ‘big reveal’ happens on his wedding day or something.” Or wait until the day someone else, who is not us, tells him that his parents are white and he is not. How fun does that sound!? Not fun at all. Not fun at all.

One of my favorite things ever is when people ask me, when out and about, if I’m his “real” mom. I respond by telling them I’m actually a robot, so no, I am not real, and if they do not back away slowly, the laser beams will commence and then I’ll be forced to self-destruct. Okay, I know, I know, it’s just semantics. We try really hard over here to encourage others to use terms like “Biological mother” and “Adoptive Mom,” but I’ll be the first to tell you that if I’m feeling especially feisty I’ll just stick with the robot scenario. That, or scream loudly as I stomp away,  “What would it even mean to be a fake mom?!”

Oh, man! I said the previous situation was one of my favorites, but now I’m remembering another favorite, and that’s when everyone and their brother asks me if I’m the babysitter. I mean, okay, fair. I look insanely young and fresh and like my life has been nothing but rainbows and butterflies and look at me, I’m just babysitting to kill the time before my next semester of college begins, why thank you. While I daydream about actually traveling to Europe, I blubber something like, “Do you see the bags under my eyes!? Two of my children died and this is my son who I adopted just 4 months after burying my second daughter. So no, I am not the babysitter unless you want to offer me extra money because you feel bad for me.”

Ha…haha…sigh.

On a lighter note, how about when strangers ask very, very personal questions about the nature of his adoption? I’m over here like, “Umm, how about we start by you telling me your entire life history, including the moments you’d only share with family and close friends?” It’s weird, though. I usually don’t get a response when I say that…

Trust me, I could go on. But let’s end on this one:

“So, is it hard to choose which baby you want?”

And then it starts.

“First…adoptive parents don’t choose their babies.”

“What!? How does it work then!?”

“Well, after a family is licensed to adopt, they make some sort of profile that highlights various traits about their story and their family. Ultimately, the biological parents choose, from a group of licensed families, who will raise their child.”

“So then the families all go and meet her and she chooses one of them?”

“No, that would be so weird and so not okay. The birth parents usually look through profiles. Like books. About the families.”

“Whoa, no way! So you aren’t choosing the child at all.”

*silence*

“No. I don’t walk up to a precious birth parent during one of the hardest moments of their lives and decide that I like their baby best and that I believe that I would raise them in a way that would make the birth parent most comforted, and then take them without input from the person/people who made/birthed them. Make sense?”

How about we end there? I suppose if you don’t learn to laugh you just end up crying, amiright?

All in all, I think these comments and questions truly are an amazing way to education more effectively on the process of adoption. But having a good laugh at the end of the day doesn’t hurt, either. 😉

Introducing Our New Every Woman Bloggers: Meet Jordan Tate

Hi, there! I am so thrilled to join forces with the incredible women of the Every Woman Blog and I wanted to kick start my involvement with a little introduction! My name is Jordan Tate and I live in the Midlands with my husband and my adopted son, Shepherd.

My husband and I met as next door neighbors in an on-campus apartment at Clemson. We were friends that entire year, started dating the following year, and it was 9 months later that he proposed, and 8 months after that that we got married. Chris is a nurse at Lexington Medical Center and he is so perfect for the job. He’s compassion and caring and he chose this career for the highest amount of hands-on patient care.

We never could have imagined that our vows of “in sickness and in health” would be tested so quickly into our marriage as we walked through two full term, traumatic pregnancies, resulting in the death of our two sweet daughters shortly after birth. We have a family blog in which we chronicled the details of both pregnancies and I am passionate about speaking out about infant loss, grief, and healing, in hopes that other women who have experienced it themselves or know someone who has can be encouraged and empowered through extremely difficult circumstances.

We never expected our journey to domestic adoption to happen the way it did after the loss of our first two children, although it was always a desire of ours to adopt children. We could never have imagined that our first adopted child would enter our family just four months after the loss of our second daughter, but his story is one of redemption and hope and he is absolutely perfect. I can’t wait to share more with you about all three of our children and our experiences through infant loss, grief, transracial adoption and private adoption in general! I look forward to sharing with you and hope that you will leave here encouraged, challenged, and inspired.

Handpicked

By: Katie Austin

Today is the day. They knew when they woke up that morning that life would be forever changed. It’s like Christmas morning, except you know the gift you are about to unwrap and the responsibilities that come with it. All of the planning and preparation comes down to this one moment.

I wonder what they were thinking when they traveled to their appointment, knowing that their family would grow by one when they left? Happiness. Joy. I could only imagine the excitement was building as they left their house, everything coming together for the next chapter in their life.

How do you pick when there are so many to choose from?

There are so many things to consider. You want to look them over and find one that isn’t too playful yet not to bashful. One that you instantly connect with, that captures your heart when you look into their eyes. That special connection that happens in an instant. You know then that you can’t wait to take them home to become part of your family.

I wonder if that is how they felt? How I would feel adopting a new member into my family?

You see, this isn’t a pet we are talking about. It was me that my parents brought home that day.

I was adopted before celebrating my first birthday. My biological parents were in college at the time and I would venture to say that I wasn’t part of their degree planning. I was born January 28, 1968 and put up for adoption. I could only imagine how hard it was for her. To birth me and then let me go. I am so thankful that she decided to have me, to give me the opportunity at life. What a gift I was left with. To let me go not knowing how my life would turn out or who would raise me.

My adopted parents were trying to have a child of their own but it wasn’t working out. What they didn’t realize at the time was that God had plans for them to have a son later. My parents went through the the adoption process and in the end, it was me that they took home. I know the process works differently than adopting a pet, as you get to look the group of them over to pick out the one you want to take home. I often kid with my parents that they should have taken more time to pick out the less active one as it might have been easier raising me, especially during my teenage years 😃

But, I truly feel that they didn’t pick me out but that God picked them out for me. I am so incredibly blessed with the parents and brother that I have! They have always been there for me even when I didn’t know it or was too busy in life to appreciate it. My teen years are an example of that but in college, I had an epiphany. I realized that no matter what happened, my parents were there to listen, give advice and to extend a hand to help me get back up. They had always been there and would continue to be there.

During my cancer fight in 2010, my parents were with me at every doctor visit, scan, chemo/radiation treatment, surgeries, and everything in between. We were called the ‘A Team’ because between my parents, husband and myself, we were prepared to fight my cancer head on. Through the highs and lows, my parents were there. No matter what I was faced with, they were standing there with me. When I was at my lowest, it was my mom who told me “Kate, it’s a walk in faith. You just have to keep believing and take this one step at a time.” That was the turning point for me. I knew then that I had to keep fighting. They never stopped believing that I would one day be in remission. They kept me laughing, gave me a shoulder to cry on, and were with me every step of the way. They stopped everything they were doing in their own lives to help save mine.

I am often asked when people find out that I am adopted if I would like to find my parents. I smile and tell them “Why would I need to look for them when they are already here.” I have been blessed with the most amazing, wonderful, caring, loving parents and I thank God every day for bringing me into their lives. I wouldn’t be where I am today without them. This world is a better place because they are in it. I love you, Mom and Dad. Thank you for picking me. 💖

Wishing each of you a wonderful Christmas and a blessed new year!

 

In Memory Of My Father, Richard Baldauf

By: Mary Pat Baldauf

On Sunday, December 11, my father, Richard Baldauf, lost his brave struggle with dementia with Lewy bodies (DLB). I am feeling so many emotions, but instead of focusing on me, I want to share an amazing story of God’s grace that I experienced firsthand …

Mary Pat Baldauf

Five years ago, my father was diagnosed with dementia with Lewy bodies (DLB), a form of dementia that shares characteristics with both Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s diseases.  From day one, I felt helpless because Dad could no longer enjoy the many things we used to do together like talk politics, do puzzles or work around the house. Up until this summer, I felt bad that I couldn’t do more for him, but that all changed when I found Gizmo, a rescue Pomeranian pup who changed Dad’s last six months in a way that I couldn’t.

Dad never really had indoor pets, but for years had a loving Chow mix named Lucy. As Dad’s illness progressed, Lucy came in during the day to keep Dad company. Unfortunately, Lucy was diagnosed with cancer in November of last year and died at home the following February. My mother, sister and I gave Dad some time to grieve, but we were anxious to get Dad a new canine companion, perhaps even a little lap dog. We made several attempts and even brought one home for a trial visit, but Dad was adamant that he didn’t want another dog.

As Dad’s somewhat rebellious daughter, I wasn’t going to take Dad’s refusals lying down. My sister and I kept our eyes open and even checked local rescue websites, but we hadn’t been able to find the right dog. Then one fateful Saturday, I was shopping at Harbison and stopped by PetsMart on a whim. There were several rescue groups on site, but I only saw puppies and larger dogs. I sighed in disappointment and decided to try again later.

On my way out, I spotted one last rescue group, Fairfield County Animal Adoption Center. At first glance, I saw no small dogs, but a volunteer told me they did have a rescue Pomeranian named Gizmo, but he was outside being walked. As we waited for his return, she told me that Gizmo’s first home was with a wheelchair bound man and that the dog would sit in his lap all day. That was my first tinge of hope. Dad used a walker, and any dog who rode in a wheelchair probably wouldn’t mind a walker. She went on to explain that when Gizmo’s owner passed away, the dog went to an abusive home where he was beaten with canes and brooms and generally neglected.

At that time, in walked a volunteer with a precious little bundle of fur that was Gizmo. I may’ve been on the fence before, but I was immediately determined to adopt Gizmo for Dad. I tried to call my sister to get a second opinion, but couldn’t reach her; I just took a giant leap of faith and adopted Gizmo. Janice screened me well and asked a lot of questions, but thankfully was as convinced as I that this was meant to be.

Fast forward to Mom and Dad’s house, where I walked in with Gizmo.  Dad had no more made that funny face and started to say no when Gizmo jumped in his lap; the rest is history. Within the hour, he was telling us, “This is my dog!” And indeed, Gizmo was Dad’s dog. He took to Dad immediately, and in the coming days, their bond grew exponentially. Quite simply, Gizmo gave Dad unconditional love and friendship that truly enhanced his quality of life in his final days.

These are just a few of the examples of how amazing Gizmo was for my dad:

• Gizmo stayed by Dad’s side practically 24 hours a day, seven days a week. During the day, he sat on Dad’s lap in the easy chair in the living room, and at night, slept right beside him.
  

  My dad with his faithful companion, Gizmo

• Gizmo made it easier for Dad to have guests.  With Gizmo, he always had something to talk about.  He could easily make conversation about the dog, while remembering current events or previous visits were more difficult for him.
• In addition to the love he provided, Gizmo also became Dad’s smallest care giver.  On many occasions, Gizmo sounded the alert that help was needed. Once, when Dad was struggling to get out of the bed while Mom was making breakfast, Gizmo ran into the kitchen and barked until Mom figured out what he was trying to tell her.
• Gizmo was loyal to Dad to the end. Gizmo camped out on Dad’s bed, and even when Dad could no longer speak, he nearly always had a hand on Gizmo. Even after Dad passed, we couldn’t pry Gizmo from Dad’s side, so we let him stay and say his goodbyes.

These days, Gizmo is still supporting Dad – this time by pouring out his love on my mother. He’s already sleeping with her, and with Gizmo there, Mom is never alone. For my sister and I, visiting Gizmo is like having a little of Dad right there with us.

In the opening, I mistakenly suggested that I found Gizmo. That’s not quite right. I was just God’s conduit, a way for Him to deliver the gift of Gizmo to my father. There are a lot of things I don’t understand about God, but this I know for sure: God bundled up his grace and love in that sweet, furry package especially for Dad.  And for that, I am most thankful.

My Priority Quilt

By: Katie Austin

When I think of my mom, I think of the many wonderful ways she has touched my life.  Moms are always there for their kids to patch them up when they get hurt, help them through the difficult childhood journey to adulthood, and take care of everything in between.  This poem by Joanna Fuchs sums it up perfectly!

Without You

Mom, without you, there would be no me.
Your love, your attention, your guidance,
have made me who I am.
Without you, I would be lost,
wandering aimlessly,
without direction or purpose.
You showed me the way
to serve, to accomplish, to persevere.
Without you, there would be an empty space
I could never fill, no matter how I tried.
Instead, because of you,
I have joy, contentment, satisfaction and peace.
Thank you, mom.
I have always loved you
and I always will.

Me & my mom at this year's Avon Walk

I can say without hesitation that I wouldn’t have made it through my breast cancer battle without her.   She was biggest supporter and was by my side for every medical appointment, doctor consult, infusion treatment, cancer sickness and my daily struggle to regain my strength.  I always knew my mom was special but it was during my breast cancer battle that I learned just how special she is.

During each infusion treatment she would talk about her latest project and would bring finished copies for me to see.  You see, my mom is a part of the Alzheimer’s Art Quilt Initiative where she created mini art quilts the size no larger than a flat rate priority mailer.  These small wonders are auctioned off to raise awareness and fund Alzheimer’s research.  She has created more than 75 so far and the initiative has raised more than $679,000 since 2006. Isn’t that wonderful?!?   I am including a few examples of the priority quilts she created so that you can get an idea of the artwork, detailed personal touches that are included in each project.  Each quilt has a theme and takes her many hours to create.  The pictures are small so if you would like to see a larger picture, you can go to her blog site.

August Flowers

My two absolute favorite quilts are shown below and I think you will love them too.   The detail in each quilt is amazing and I find myself looking over every inch to make sure that I don’t miss anything.   My favorite items are the pumpkins, bag of potatoes and the bird sitting just outside the bird feeder.   What do you see in the quilts that you like?

Farm Stand

Morning in the Garden

In my recent blog post Helping Hand, I said that the easiest way that we can get involved in our community is to lend a hand and my mom is doing just that through her quilt creations.  She is raising money for and awareness of Alzheimer’s one quilt at time.  I am so proud of what she has accomplished and to call her my mom.  What’s even more special is that I am adopted and feel that she picked me out of so many to be her daughter.  We have a special bond as she is more than a mother to me, she is my closest friend and I am so blessed to have her in my life.